A cynical Christmas playlist

For those who are sick to death of Michael Bublé

For many, the cyclical nature of Christmas traditions can be a warm hug amidst a month of darkness and cold.

Familiar smells, tastes, sights and sounds wake from their hibernation to wrap us in their binding arms. The discernible sensorial pillars of Christmas return unchanged each year, unaffected by the aging wand of time.

The curious oral linger of Brussels sprouts, the sweet drone of mulled wine in pubs and the crooning tones of Bublé’s Christmas are constants in a world of change. They ground us, they bring us back to base.

But, I’m not in the mood for sentimentality this year. I’ve already heard Shane MacGowan & Kirsty MacColl’s lilting call-and-response twice and I’m not having it.

If this magnitude of grinching resonates with you this year, then I’ve compiled a playlist of songs (at the bottom of this article) for the cynics who can’t bear any more Bublé, ten of which I’ve written about below.

This is what AI thinks of my mind state

Jerskin Fendrix & black midi - ‘Ice Cream’

A collaboration between Poor Things composer Jerskin Fendrix & now disbanded math rockers black midi.

“Freeze my brain and scoop out everything
While Michael Bublé sings "We'll Meet Again"

Saint Etienne - ‘I Was Born On Christmas Day’

The 90s synth-poppers teamed up with Tim Burgess of The Charlatans for this silky banger.

“Did you know they pulled the town hall down?
I don't think you'll recognize this town”

Galaxie 500 - ‘Listen, The Snow Is Falling’

The American dreampop stalwarts’ Christmas cut is a shackles-off, head-banging slice of coolness.

Cocteau Twins - ‘Frosty The Snowman’

The Scottish shoegazers, with their glittery guitars and reverbed to the moon vocals, are actually inherently Christmassy.

Dropkick Murphys - ‘The Season’s Upon Us’

If you still want a slice of Irish zest this year, look no further. I’m seeing these guys in February and I can’t wait.

“My nephew's a horrible wise little twit
He once gave me a nice gift-wrapped box full of shit”

Björk - ‘Solstice’

This spooky cut from Biophilia is based on a Christmas poem by Icelandic poet Sjón. Christmas is weird and so is this.

The Replacements - ‘Beer For Breakfast’

I’m also feeling grinchy about scrambled eggs and salmon on Christmas morning.

“All I wanna do is drink beer for breakfast
All I wanna eat is them barbecue chips”

Los Campesinos - ‘A Doe to a Deer’

Nothing encapsulates my mood this year more than sarcy emo pop-punk.

"An angel teetering atop a tree,
Vomiting from vertigo!"

Imogen Heap - ‘Just for Now’

The queen of vocal layering says this is a tune about dysfunctional families during the holiday season.

“I think something is burning
Now you've ruined the whole thing
Muffle the smoke alarm
Whoever put on this music
Better quick sharp remove it
Pour me another
Oh, don't wag your finger at me”

Half Man Half Biscuit - ‘It’s Clichéd to be Cynical at Christmas’

Ultimately, it is not cool to try and be cool around Christmas. This article is a joke (I think).

“You don’t have a tree
And your smile has a fee
All the same, here’s a card
For your boring facade”

Listen to the extended playlist here: